More Fancies

When my great-aunt died, my cousin said in his eulogy, “she was lucky in love”. I had always perceived her as being kind of unlucky, so this was an interesting interpretation of the facts that I knew. Gloria’s first husband (and the one she chose to be buried with) died quite young. That always seemed pretty tragic to me, the more so after I experienced that kind of loss myself. After Jack died she remarried, altogether too soon, for some people’s liking, but she divorced that next husband. Then, over the years nearly up until she died had a series of relationships that sometimes ended in the demise of her partner (through no fault of hers, let it be said) – more frequently the case, the older she got.

Gloria was a hot ticket. Despite the fact that she had lupus, she kept active with water aerobics and walking, not letting the disease debilitate her or her friendships with a plethora of both men and women. I was always amazed at her ability to rebound and bond with someone new when a relationship ended for one reason or another.

Now that I know better, I understand what she was up to. She was referred to as “having a big heart” which usually implies generosity. While she was indeed generous – extending welcome and compassion, she also had a tremendous capacity for love. Figuring out that she and I shared this trait held by so few others in our family made me understand my own circumstances all the better. I wish I could say I got it from her, but she wasn’t a blood relative, being married to my grandmother’s brother.

But I can say I “got it” from her. And what I already knew, which was that it really is better to have loved and lost, her life, my cousin’s eulogy, the memory of her scent when she would give me a real honest-to-goodness hug and mean it when she said, how ARE you,” has been reinforced. I don’t have quite the track record she had, but then again, I’m still young.