Winning the lottery
I buy a lottery ticket about once every other year, and not more often than that because it is a silly waste of money, and because I REALLY believe I will win. That's dumb. DUM, dumb, and even knowing that, I still do it. Ironically, even though I really believe I will win, I rarely actually check the numbers, because there's no chance that I have. So I may have been one of those people with the winning ticket who never cashed it in. When I do check, and I haven't won, it's a crushing blow. Yes, really.
So you would think I shouldn't internet date for the same reasons. This will be the one -- he's got a clever screen name. Oooh, this will be the one, he's got a graduate degree AND he's Jewish. THIS one has excellent spelling and grammar. But they aren't ever the one.
The successful couples who smile at you from out of the Match.com web pages with their wonderful stories of romance (I knew the first time we met . . .) are as bad as the women's magazines that promised me the secret of muliple orgasms in my 20s. They didn't mention that rare is the woman in her 20s whose body will do that, and I would have to wait till I was nearly 40 to experience that page-turning excitement. Similarly, the Match people don't give you any notion of how many desparate 40-something men you will have to have coffee with who are looking to fall in love and get remarried TODAY. NOW. They don't mention the stalker from Rhode Island who shows up at your unlisted address (creepy!) because he thought you "had something" after spending two hours together.
WHY do men put their height and weight in the first two sentences of their profile? And then their job third. Okay, there are other check boxes for those things, don't waste valuable letters of freeform writing with that garbage. Why do they type in all caps? It seems like they are yelling at you. Why can't they capitalize their "i"s? It's not cute, it's lazy. Why don't they proofread? You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Why don't they know that "a lot" is two words? Why are they looking for a "secure lady with no baggage"? Show me a secure lady, I will show you a crossdresser. And baggage? No one over thirty doesn't have baggage. I myself have rented a storage locker in a neighboring town. I love to go in and smell the musty scent of failed marriage, unfinished graduate degrees, poor career choices. Why are there men over 40 who have never been married?
These questions have raised the bar awfully high in my quest for someone who should not be "the one" (found him before with tragic consequences) but "a one" or "an anywhere from one to ten". Go on, I'm thinking of a number.
So you would think I shouldn't internet date for the same reasons. This will be the one -- he's got a clever screen name. Oooh, this will be the one, he's got a graduate degree AND he's Jewish. THIS one has excellent spelling and grammar. But they aren't ever the one.
The successful couples who smile at you from out of the Match.com web pages with their wonderful stories of romance (I knew the first time we met . . .) are as bad as the women's magazines that promised me the secret of muliple orgasms in my 20s. They didn't mention that rare is the woman in her 20s whose body will do that, and I would have to wait till I was nearly 40 to experience that page-turning excitement. Similarly, the Match people don't give you any notion of how many desparate 40-something men you will have to have coffee with who are looking to fall in love and get remarried TODAY. NOW. They don't mention the stalker from Rhode Island who shows up at your unlisted address (creepy!) because he thought you "had something" after spending two hours together.
WHY do men put their height and weight in the first two sentences of their profile? And then their job third. Okay, there are other check boxes for those things, don't waste valuable letters of freeform writing with that garbage. Why do they type in all caps? It seems like they are yelling at you. Why can't they capitalize their "i"s? It's not cute, it's lazy. Why don't they proofread? You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Why don't they know that "a lot" is two words? Why are they looking for a "secure lady with no baggage"? Show me a secure lady, I will show you a crossdresser. And baggage? No one over thirty doesn't have baggage. I myself have rented a storage locker in a neighboring town. I love to go in and smell the musty scent of failed marriage, unfinished graduate degrees, poor career choices. Why are there men over 40 who have never been married?
These questions have raised the bar awfully high in my quest for someone who should not be "the one" (found him before with tragic consequences) but "a one" or "an anywhere from one to ten". Go on, I'm thinking of a number.
posted by kingoftherabbits at
10:41 PM
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