A Dog's Life

Some people don't have children, they have dogs instead. It's important to recognize that they are dogs, and NOT children. So you can, for instance, leave them at home alone before they are twelve years old, without the fear of the police coming and giving them to your ex-husband.

Some people don't leave them at home though. They bring them. EVERYWHERE. And then, they leave them in the car, because, clearly sitting in a car wondering how to turn the radio on without opposable thumbs is more entertaining for said pet than staying at home with a bed and toys and dust bunnies.

So if you are me (and you are not, because I am, and they cannot clone me yet (thankfully)) you have guilt about the dog staying in the car, because he's lonely, and you're ethnically predisposed to feel guilty anyway. The dog comes in the house. Now, if I were smarter, I would realize that people who sometimes have jam in their hair and have perennially dirty feet, might also have a dog with fleas. But I wasn't smarter. I was just little uncloned me.

Now, just like losing the ten pounds you gained in a month takes years to lose (with notable exceptions, more later), or having your life go down the toilet takes four months, but getting it out takes years (and then it always has wrinkles), it takes only minutes for a flea infestation to occur, and much hard work and to get them out.

So, even if your feet are clean, if you are invited to a dinner party, leave the dog at home.